Due to Pimples the Long Copy vs. Short Copy Debate has Ended

Which converts better, which drives more sales, long-form copy or short-form copy?

It's been debated since the first recorded newspaper advertisement was published in 1704 in the Boston News-Letter:

"At Oyster-bay on Long-Island in the Province of N.York, There is a very good Fulling-Mill, to be Let or Sold, as also a Plantation, having on it a large new Brick house, and another good house by it for a Kitchin & work house, with a Barn, Stable, etc. a young Orchard, and 20 Acres clear Land. The Mill is to be Let with or without the Plantation: Enquire of Mr. William Bradford Printer in N.York, and know further." (My thanks to Derrick Day for publishing this ad in his blog, Branding Strategy Insider)

Clearly, the above was a short-form ad. And yet...

"The more you tell, the more you sell," claim the adherents of long copy.

"No one has time to read below the fold," counter short copy partisans.

Of course both sides are right... to the degree that each side fully understands their customer's needs and their customer's state of awareness as to how well the product or service in question fulfills those needs.

In other words...

One size does not fit all

Does Campbell's Soup need an 18-page scrolling online sales letter to sell tomato soup?

Soup is soup, and everyone's heard of Campbell's. An 18-word ad would suffice.

Most people shopping for soup are only interested in the price of their favorite brand, be it Campbell's or another, and whether or not there's a coupon attached—neither of which requires a lot of supportive copy.

But, if Campbell's brings to market an all natural, gluten and fat-free tomato soup that helps you lose weight, sleep better and score a raise from your boss on Monday morning... they've got a lot of persuading to do.

As does an investment newsletter selling 12-month subscriptions at $2,000-a-pop.

A 2 inch by 2 inch print ad, a one paragraph email or a tear-off coupon will not have enough selling power, information and enticements, to lift $2,000 out of an anyone's wallet.

The reader's valuable time isn't the issue

Yes, we are a frenetic, multi-tasking, hyper-achieving, constantly on the go society.

We prefer pithy sound bites over verbose, grand-eloquent, chest-thumping prose.

By the way, nothing decreases readership faster, thereby killing sales, than ads with half-page long paragraphs in eye-straining small, 10 pt or less, fonts.

Yet, people will actually attempt to read a 48-page letter, magalog or bookalog, even poorly formatted and designed ones—if the headline, deck copy and lead grabs their attention—which it will only do if it's clearly about a topic that deeply interests them on a visceral level.

Whether or not they will read it through to the end, and act upon its call to action—totally depends on the copywriter's ability to keep their interest and increase their desire.

It's the same reason no one will put down a good book, even if its 1,000 pages long. Indeed, who wants a good book to end?

Bottom line, people will read as much as is available about any subject that's important to them, emotionally, financially or intellectually.

Convince people your product can make them richer, prettier, younger or healthier, among other things—and as long as they've been hungry for those promised results for a long, long time—they'll find the time to read every word you've got to say.

But, then again, sometimes you just don't need to say a lot.

When short copy is enough

As a marketer, if you've got a product that in general is like every other product of its kind, though maybe with a few value-added differences—there's no need to re-write the entire history of your product's invention in your sales copy.

For example, if you're selling acne cream—all you need say is, "Pimples disappear over night with Acme Acne Cream."

There's no need to explain to a teenager what a pimple is, where they pop up, who gets them—the poor kid just wants to get rid of his, quick.

After all, what teenager doesn't know what acne cream is? And besides, the kid knows he needs it. So just grab him by his oily cheeks, in a very teenager-engaging fashion, and quickly tell him why he should use YOUR acne cream.

And you can easily do it above the fold.

When to make it a little longer

Sixteen-year-old Samantha really doesn't suffer from acne (the operative word here is suffer). She gets a pimple or two only when something stressful is approaching—a final exam or a first date, for example.

So in this case, merely announcing the existence of your acne cream will probably not excite her enough to forgo a shopping spree at the mall and invest in a 6-month supply of your really cool super pimple cream instead.

Samantha just doesn't recognize her infrequent flare-ups as a problem requiring her attention.

So the goal of your marketing is to actually get her attention—and keep it—because selling her will obviously take longer.

Offering Samantha a coupon or sending her a mobile message will not be enough.

To get her awareness level up and her desire engaged you'll need to paint her a picture, tell her a story—many, in fact.

Bottom line: if the sale is worth the effort... your online ad needs to continue below the fold... and your print ad will need a half-page, at least.

In short, you'll need more copy.

When to fire all torpedoes

Let's say you've invented the "one application—never see a pimple return again—pleasantly perfect pimple cream." One small tube, one large price tag and pimples are gone forever.

Now if you think you can sell that above the fold or just slightly below it—you need to fold up your marketing director, stick him in an envelope, and let the kid down in the shipping department design your marketing campaign.

Understand, if your pleasantly perfect pimple cream costs your target teenager a month's allowance, you've got a lot of serious, serious selling to do.

For one, he's probably going to ask his parents to pay for it. So you'll have to convince them, too—sort of like in B2B marketing—where buying decisions are made by a disinterested, financially-stressed, pressed-for-time committee.

Bottom line: when you're confronted with a complex sale, brevity is not your ally.

You simply cannot provide all the information—a compelling story, incontrovertible proof, undeniable credibility, risk reversal, and an irresistible offer—all of which is necessary to convince, persuade and close a difficult sale—in a tweet.

If you're selling a first-to-market product or a complicated and expensive service, which your target market has little or no awareness of—yes, you'll certainly need to grab their attention above the fold...

But then you'll also need to sit down with them as a friend, via the written word, and have a long and serious chat about how you're really here to help them.

And you'll need to continue that same conversation with them—for as long as it takes—until they finally agree to shake your hand.

And to do that you'll need a lot of copy, pages and pages of it.

The 5 Magical Selling Secrets of Billy Mays

Billy Mays, who sadly passed away at age fifty, was a pot-bellied, black-bearded Atlantic City carnival barker in a blue long-sleeve shirt and a white undershirt.

He had a loud, shrill and annoyingly exuberant voice. And he seemed to lean forward, through the TV screen, and put his nose in your face, the way only pitchmen do.

Madison Avenue style brand marketers who believe asking for an order even once, unless it's in small grey type, is undignified, contemptible and just plain bad manners, absolutely loathed him.

Direct marketers idolized him.

Consumers, well, they either loved or hated him... or were totally unaware of him (presumably Tivo owners).

Bottom line: Billy sold the hell out of stuff. And he didn't have to reinvent the wheel to do it.

Billy bellied-up to bar with the TV viewer and spoke straight and to the point: you got a problem, I've got the solution, I can guarantee it or your money back, buy it now and I'll make you an even better deal.

Inelegant to the max. But he sold and made millions. Not through artifice; there was no false imagery, cheating or stealing, just great showmanship and...

Great Salesmanship

But great salesmanship, contrary to popular opinion, is not about selling ice to Eskimos.

The truth is less flamboyant, and far more reasonable.

Simply put, behind every great salesman is a great product. And Billy Mays understood that better than most.

Because if it's a great product—it was easy for Billy to sell, using salesmanship techniques he had honed over two decades of selling.

Who better than Billy Mays could grab your attention (Hi, Billy Mays here for...)... get you excited (So fast and easy...)... make you want to buy it (No more dings, dents or scratches—and it'll save you money, too...)... and get you to buy it (But wait, order now and I'll...)

So how do you know if the product you're currently selling or developing is great... and easy to sell?

According to Billy Mays...

To be Great and an Easy Sell
Your Product Must Have These 5 Essential Character Traits

1. It must solve a problem.

If it doesn't fix, mend or alleviate a nagging pain, problem, condition or situation—why would people want it, much less buy it? There must be a strong, recognizable and somewhat measurable or appreciable benefit to owning and using your product.

2. It must have mass appeal.

You may have invented the best mousetrap ever, but if only one in ten million homes has a mouse problem... you're not going to sell a heck of a lot of mouse traps. Sure, you can sell just a few at a ridiculously high price-point? But a mouse-trap priced at $50,000... how easy of a sale will that be?

3. It must be unique.

If it's the first or only one of its kind—that's a homerun! If it's not, then it should at least be different and beneficial in a way that isn't currently offered. A rose by any other name is still a rose—but a rose that never loses its petals, now that would be unique.

4. It must offer instant gratification.

If it'll only be of use next spring, why buy it today? People don't want to buy seeds. They want the fully grown tree, planted and providing shade now. We're an impatient nation of consumers. We don't want the fishing pole—we want the fish fresh, filleted, seasoned and served.

5. It must be demonstrable.

It's a law of nature: seeing is believing. The customer must see with their own eyes how easily, quickly and effectively your product does what it does. Though people will often say they can't trust their eyes—they always do.

"But wait, there's more..."

You Don’t Need TV Air-Time to be a Successful Marketer

A demonstration doesn't have be live or on TV to be effective. If you're selling off the page, diagrams, schematics, and before and after pictures will also do the trick.

And if you're not limited to a 30-second or 1-minute TV spot... you might have a distinct advantage!

When you're selling off the page, you can pile on the benefits—as many as you can think of. And, you can highlight features and advantages in bullet-point after bullet-point.

You can show why your product or service is superior to your competitors by creating tables.

You can provide testimonials, endorsements... and your own impressive credentials.

And as long as you know how to keep the reader reading—you can methodically, step-by-step, convince and persuade the reader to buy from you in a voice and style that's compelling, empowering, believable and completely your own.

I'm sure that's what Billy Mays would do. He'd begin every letter or ad with, "Hi, Billy Mays here for..."

Thanks, Billy. Rest in peace.

The top 5 ways to attract and keep customers in any economy

I have a friend in Florida who owns six Subway franchises.

He's rolling in dough, whole wheat and greenbacks.

He loves the recession. He's remodeling his house (stimulating one South Florida contractor to keep swinging a hammer).

Dollar stores are also doing a gang-buster business.

The healthcare industry is thriving, too, but they're in a world of their own (as long as there's no cure for sickness and aging.)

Supermarkets are packed. People are cooking, not dining out in restaurants.

In fact, anyone selling a staple of life, or offering a low-ticket product or service, they're just happier than a pig in... you know what.

For the rest of us...

This economy sucks

But only if, during the long-gone good-times, your business had been on cruise control and you got complacent, fat and lazy, and saw your customers as dollar signs and not people.

Without naming names, some marketers are clearly suffering far less than others, because they cared to look deep into their customer's eyes and not just plumb the depths of their wallets.

Call it relationship building, call it caring about your customers, or just call it staying in business, making a great income, taking vacations, and buying new cars (Japanese or German) even in a recession.

While I can't offer you, for obvious reasons, a precise 5-point strategy to achieve this type of recession insurance for your particular business...

I can give you the general blueprint.

The top 5 ways to keep your prospects loyal and their wallets open

First, a note of caution: Reducing your prices may help, of course, and may even be prudent. But that's a short-term fix, which commoditizes your service. In fact, by reducing your prices, what you're doing is training, even forcing, your customers to price shop.

Remember, price is what your customer pays, value is what you customer receives.

Accent the value, and the customer will pay your price.

And you do it this way...

1. Allay your customer fears:

Right now your customers are looking more and more like deer in the headlights. They're watching way too many doom and gloom news shows. They're hearing about once-upon-a-time giants of industry filing for bankruptcy, shutting doors and putting thousands of people out of work. They may even know a few.

And, quite frankly, they're afraid they may be next.

So they're holding on to their money; worried the good times will never return. Frugal and conservative defines them. Food and shelter are their biggest concern to the near exclusion of everything else.

Your job then is to lift their heads, open their eyes and sing, "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow."

Help them understand that change is the only constant in life—and this economic melt-down, this too shall pass.

Show them that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer—give them hope, and put your arm around their shoulders.

Then infuse them with some good ol' time religion, lift their spirits and get them dancing in the aisles—put excitement and happiness back in their lives.

2. Confirm their suspicions:

Conspiracies, real and imagined, abound in times of economic stress.

Your customers see danger everywhere they look, and they wonder who is really there to watch over and protect their best interests, and who is there to fleece them of their shrinking income.

Don’t deny the reality your customers perceive. Don't argue with or ignore their fears. Place yourself on their side. Put yourself in their shoes.

Recognize that the quickest way to bond and, most importantly, become an advocate on behalf of your customers is to first accept and validate (within reasonable limits) their viewpoint.

Then, once you've shown them you understand and agree with them, you'll find it so much easier to persuade them of your viewpoint.

Switch their allegiance from fear and suspicion to that of fearlessness and confidence and you'll immediately become their champion and protector.

After all, it's so much easier to close a deal, make a sale, even to a skittish and suspicious customer, when they trust you—and see in you a like-minded and kindred spirit.

3. Justify their failures:

Don't make your customers feel like losers.

If they've yet to reach their goals, pat them on the back and then show them why.

There's a big difference between criticizing and critiquing. Be a coach, a mentor, help them to see why they stumbled and fell, and how they can pick themselves up and still reach the finish line.

Never put the blame solely on their shoulders.

Show them that many factors, often beyond their control, contributed to their failure, just as other factors, equally beyond their control will determine the shape of their eventual success.

And yet with your expert help, show them how you can decrease the number of failures they will face, and how you will increase their odds of success, however defined.

4. Throw rocks at their enemies:

This is too easy, and a cousin of number 4, above.

Indentify the immediate threat or obstacle confronting your customer's well-being, happiness and success. Join them in a justifiable hate fest. Heap scorn, ridicule and bad intentions on the perceived roadblock.

And then quickly move on. Don't wallow in that shallow pool, but splash there just long enough to gain your customer's attention and confidence.

Then, once you have made common cause with your customer—sharing the same enemy and holding to shared goals—and working together to achieve them—you'll be accepted on their team, and into their inner sanctum—a trusted confidant.

5. Encourage their dreams:

Isn't that what it's all about? Dreams and their fulfillment.

Without dreams what are we? Our dreams define us. Our dreams are our life's work.

Some dreams are large, some are small, but all need more than just wishful thinking. They need the mechanism to make them come true.

What you market and sell are not made of metal, wood, plastic, gigabytes or an intangible service—they are dream-makers. They are magic and they are real.

And for your customers, your products or services are their best chance of reaching for the stars.

Do not deceive your customer into believing they can accomplish the impossible, or that the impossible is achievable.

But if your product or service can indeed make your customer's dreams come true, do not hide the truth—but rather proclaim it, prove it and deliver it.

And when you do all of the above, with style and grace, truth and honesty...

Your business will thrive in any economy.

Hypey copy that converts and how to write it

I love hypey copy.

Hypey copy is like a fine wine. It has great legs, a fine body and a rich nose.

Hype excites the emotions, stimulates the buying glands and ultimately converts better than dull, drab, "only the facts ma'am" marcom-style copy.

Marketers and consumers who bemoan the ugliness, the crassness, and the used-car-salesman look and feel of hypey copy are all uneducated and uninformed dolts.

All of the above, though mostly true, is a form of hypey copy... of the bad kind.

How to differentiate bad from good hype

Hype has many guises or nuances. Unfortunately, today, hype has become an indiscriminate catch-all-phrase for any type of copy that anyone objects to, for whatever reason.

Well, if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so too is hype.

And so, for ease of understanding and with a bow to those who either adore or loathe hype--I will divide hype into two broad categories:

Hype that always converts and hype that rarely will

We've all been exposed to copy that exclaims in absolutely superlative fashion the benefits of an advertised product.

For example, we're constantly bombarded by hypey modifiers screaming: best, biggest, fastest, easiest, greatest, amazing, unique, revolutionary... and so forth

And then there's the army of entertaining and flamboyant similes and metaphors: "so powerful it'll suck the chrome off a trailer hitch", and "faster than a streaker running down-field at the Super Bowl".

And, finally, the ever obligatory and tired: "your income will skyrocket" or "you'll feel like a teenager again".

Of course, these examples stand out as hype--primarily because they're easily recognized as less than believable, factual or authoritative. And are, therefore, quickly discounted and ignored by most consumers.

But yet, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with employing such words and phrases to extol the virtues of a product.

If indeed they're accurate descriptions.

Where we run into problems though--and where hype gets a black eye, is when hype stands by itself--naked and exposed to ever-vigilant consumer skepticism.

How to turn bad hype into good hype

If you were to write within an ad, either in the headline, body copy or as a subhead, the following: All your wrinkles will miraculously disappear overnight!

Do you think such a claim will be believed or, more importantly, that the ad containing it will convert?

Personally, I doubt it.

Even if the remainder of the ad were written impeccably--and by impeccably, I mean, you immediately provide undeniable, authoritative proof, confirming that wrinkles will indeed disappear overnight--that claim will still be the rusty nail that blows out the ad's tires.

Of course it might gain your ad a moment's fleeting attention--but the ad itself won't convert, because the remainder of the ad, much less its call to action, probably won't be read.

But now you protest and say: I provided proof--it's true, absolutely true--so why wouldn't it be believed--why wouldn't it convert?

Well, proof and credibility are of course essential to any claim in any ad--without it you clearly have written hype of the bad kind.

But even with proof--if the proof is not "placed" wisely--it'll be ignored--as will be the ad.

The consumer is not an idiot--she's your wife

...to quote David Ogilvy.

Consumers learn quickly--they have to. By one account, the average American is deluged with over 5,000 advertisements in one form or another every single day.

And, it's probably fair to say, most of these ads are poorly presented, either in concept, design or execution.

Hence, the unavoidable consequence: skepticism and disbelief abounds in the marketplace.

So... while in the past, making a claim and immediately following it up with proof may have been a wise, prudent and necessary tack to take--times have now changed.

And marketers must adapt.

No longer do you, as a marketer, have the luxury, or more to the point--the time to prove your claim--once you make it.

Avoid the ad-killing claim

...by making it instead an unavoidable conclusion.

While the following is not an inviolate rule--it's certainly worth testing...

Before making any concise and memorable claim to unparalleled excellence—prove it first.

Assemble and present your credentialing elements, your evidence--your entire body of incontrovertible proof--in clear and linear fashion.

Allow your proof to lay the groundwork for what is to come. Create strong and overwhelming direction and momentum.

In other words...

Ambush your customer

...So that when you finally do present your hype--your claim to have the biggest, baddest, best product on the planet--it won't be mistaken for or accused of being hype (of the bad kind)...

...But rather it will be seen as a descriptive and accurate statement of the obvious and the proven (hype of the good kind).

If executed skillfully, your hype will also have the added benefit of becoming sustainable and actionable.

And that's the best hype of all--when your customer agrees with--acts upon--and even advocates on behalf of--what otherwise would have been a wild and unbelievable claim.

--Barry

Guarantees. Nobody believes them, so why use them?

Put yourself in your client's shoes. No, strike that.

Put yourself in your prospect's shoes (a prospect being someone you've never marketed, sold to or married before).

So she doesn't know you; she doesn't trust you, and she couldn't care less if you drop dead tomorrow.

But, through deft marketing—you've captured her attention! Her eyeballs belong to you.

And now she's beginning to believe, as she scans your sales copy, that you just might be selling something she wants. No, strike that.

She immediately realizes (via a great headline and lead) that you're selling exactly what she wants—or something she thinks she wants (same difference).

Let's say, it's a book, a cream, a doctor, or a pill that'll help her lose weight.

Now if you've ever tried to sell a weight loss product you know how sisyphusian a task that can be. Weight loss products are a wasteland of failed talismans, potions and quackery (despite "A"-quality copy, offers and celebrity endorsements).

Why? Because...

There's only one way to really lose weight—and keep it off

And if you think it's through exercise and diet, or both—you're half right.

The only way to lose the blubber is through the 3-D's, otherwise known as determination, dedication and downright doggedness—anything else is just low-fat salad dressing.

But, I digress.

So your prospect, let's call her Julie is hesitant to order your product because... well, there could be lots of reasons. For example:

>>You didn't provide compelling proof or credibility to back up your claims
>>Your sales copy loses steam in the middle and runs off on different tangents
>>You didn't mine and exhaust the list of deep-down benefits your product provides, or you didn't fully dimensionalize them
>>Your sales copy, from beginning to end, doesn't lead Julie inescapably to the "Order Now" button
>>Your website/brochure/sales letter looks like it was created by a designer who wants to be and artist and win awards—not make sales
>>You have no testimonials or endorsements
>>You don't clearly and unequivocally ask for the order, nor do you mention the terrible consequences of not ordering
>>There's not enough personalization and "you speak" in your copy (when Julie reads your ad/sales letter she has to feel as if you're talking to her, specifically, and not a faceless blob of cellulite)

There's more of course; the list goes on and on....

But let's say you've provided all of the above, and more. Yet, Julie is still hesitant to give you her money—even though you've absolutely persuaded her that your blubber pulverizer works.

Why is she still hesitant?

Because she's fallen for other blubber blasters before, too many in fact—and she still can't zip up her pants.

And because in these scary economic times—she can't afford the risk of losing more money on more blubbery promises—regardless of how much she pours forth and out of her swimsuit.

Allay her fears—remove all the risk

Offer Julie a guarantee!

Yes, I know, I know. Nobody believes guarantees anymore. Because of copy-cat construction they've lost their impact. Like so many newspaper ads, they're a blur of meaningless verbiage.

Others are over the top...

"Lose 50 pounds in one week! Erase all stretch marks in 3 days! And have the movie studios calling you by tomorrow night—or your money back!"

Such a guarantee, to say the least, is counter-productive.

And yet, even though Julie might not believe your guarantee—she still wants you to offer her one.

A guarantee is like a presidential election promise. Everyone wants to hear how the nominee, Democrat or Republican, is going to change things in Washington, i.e., lower taxes, grow the economy and keep America strong domestically and globally...

Yet, everyone knows, whoever becomes our next president, it'll be business as usual on Pennsylvania Avenue come January.

And so, even though Julie is distrustful, cynical and maybe even scared—she still wants to believe. She wants you to tell her that everything will be all right and she won't be taken to the cleaners, again.

So how do you craft a guarantee that combines the eloquence and hope of Obama with the honest and straight-shooting no-nonsense approach of McCain?

How indeed do you overcome that last hurdle between you and Julie's money?

Crafting an unusually effective and convincing guarantee

The fist thing you want to avoid is to make your guarantee read like everybody else's.

If your guarantee sounds obligatory, perfunctory and commonplace, e.g. "Your money back if not 100% satisfied", not only will Julie's jaded eyes ignore or miss it—she'll completely discount it. That is to say, she'll not be in the least bit persuaded by it.

So rather than write a guarantee that reads like a limp handshake—power it up. Explain it and sell it!

Explain why you're offering it, why it's worth more than the paper it's written on—and why there's no reason to doubt it.

Your guarantee is part of your offer—make it attractive and as believable as possible. Make it part of the running text and a few paragraphs long.

But remember, if it sounds too good to be true—you'll lose the sale.

And by all means--be imaginative. If your guarantee is distinctive enough—it might even become your USP (unique selling proposition).

Domino's Pizza...

...Built an empire base on their guarantee: Delivered in 30 minutes or it's free.

Do the same thing with your guarantee! Think outside the pizza box. But never make a promise you can't keep.

Instead of offering a typical and boring 30-day guarantee—make it a 6-month or 1-year guarantee.

Tests actually prove the longer the guarantee the less the returns.

Why? Because when Julie realizes she's got just 30-days to ask for her money back—she'll remember that.

But, if she's got a year—she'll fuhgedaboutit!

And while you're at it, if you've got a truly killer cannot-fail product—why not offer a double-your-money back guarantee!

Sure, you'll attract a number of low-life's trying to score some bucks off your genius—but that'll amount to mere pennies compared to the traffic and recognition you'll receive when your guarantee goes viral.

And whatever you do, at the very least—make your guarantee bigger, better and bolder than your competition's...

.And then, lo and behold... you'll have guaranteed your own success!

--Barry

How to Squeeze Blood from a Copywriter

True story:

Not too long ago I was approached by a marketer who had a product idea -- just the idea mind you.

And he wanted to hire me to develop it... market it... sell it... and everything in-between.The reason being -- he didn't have the time to do it himself.

My first thought was... now here's a man after my own heart -- lazy as the day is long, and dying to be rich and famous without lifting a finger.

Seriously, if I could take a pill to give me muscles like the Governator's (in his prime)... play tennis like Federer... and attract women like Pitt -- I'd order a life-time supply as fast as yesterday!

Anyway, I was up for the challenge... even though there are more than enough products like his already on the market (which is actually a good thing).

So... I cracked open my secret black book of sales and marketing pros and considered which "Mission Impossible Team" would be perfect to attack this beachhead.

Then, I sent the marketer my proposal... including my fee.

He was totally impressed. He told me I had brass balls (I think that was a compliment)... and then told me to get real.

He said he already had copywriters lined up to do it all for under $2,000 -- flat fee, no percentage.

Yeah, right!

But, you know what... I bet he can find a copywriter to do it all for under $2,000 -- and, boy, what a job he'll do -- he'll even throw in the Brooklyn Bridge and shares of Enron at no extra charge!

Anyway, I checked back with him a few weeks later, and asked how the project was coming along... and... heh, heh... he still hadn't hired a copywriter.

Moral of the story (sorta)... you can hire a copywriter to do practically anything for you... but if you're not willing to pay the price for delegation, abdication and sloth -- better to work together, following these simple "save money and make money" guidelines:

Ask Not What a Copywriter Can Do for You—Ask What You Can Do for Your Copywriter!

As Hemmingway said, writing is easy... all you've got to do is open a vein and bleed all over the page.

And yet, copywriters are actually more than just writers, they're... ta dah!... Super Salesmen!

Copywriters aren't hired to entertain, or dazzle the reader with unparalleled wordsmithing...

They're hired to sell the client's product (or generate a qualified lead).

And if they can't do that -- it doesn't matter if they can write a poem like Frost, a play like Shakespeare, a thriller like King or a humor column like Barry (not me, the other Barry, Dave Barry).

But... if they can sell in print -- does it matter if they employ broken English, fragmented sentences or any other type of grammatically dysfunctional construction, intentionally or not?

The only measure of a copywriter's talent... is how much and how fast he can sell his client's product!

But... since the product is not the copywriter's brainchild... he neither conceived it, nurtured it in its embryonic stages, delivered it into actuality nor surrounded it with a supportive family... that's never an easy thing to do (to sell to a stranger off the page and for maximum dollars, too!)

So he needs your help.

He needs research... background and market info, access to data and the ability to conduct interviews, etc. Indeed, there are tens of questions that need to be answered.

(For a comprehensive list of questions that always need to be answered, click here http://www.writingwithpersonality.com/questions.html)

Now, as the baby's parents, aka the marketer, you can leave the copywriter to discover all the answers on his own.

But first understand one thing -- a copywriter typically makes a living by selling time -- his time. And time equals writing, which equals money.

So if he has to spend time doing research -- he ain't writing, and therefore he ain't making money.

So in light of that, copywriters will charge for research (it's factored into your over-all cost -- that's why you'll never get a separate bill).

And, depending on the complexity of the product and the intricacies of your targeted market -- plus, the amount of research the copywriter must do on his own -- research can be quite expensive (regardless of whether the copywriter does the research himself or hires someone to do it for him).

Now a good copywriter is fairly expensive to begin with. A-level copywriters can command a $25,000 advance plus 10% of gross sales, minus fulfillment costs.

So unless you've got a bottomless bank account... well... need I say more?

The other option, of course, is for you to provide the copywriter with the research he needs to get the job done (which is to quickly make you a whole bunch of money).

Now, most marketers obviously opt for this latter approach -- but, unfortunately, in a very casual, hap-hazard fashion.

Don't Short-Change Yourself by Short-Changing Your Copywriter

Too many marketers feel they're doing a copywriter a favor by providing research.

They'll give the copywriter... oh, about five minutes of their time.

They'll send him an email with a bunch of URLs to investigate, a couple of sentences about their target market, and a couple of words about the benefits and features of the product (though most times they get the two confused).

And then they'll end by saying that they're always available to answer any further questions... just call.

Needless to say... this isn't much help to a copywriter -- and that's why typical turnaround time for the completion of a copywriting project is often quoted in weeks if not months.

Experienced and successful marketers, on the other hand, those in tune with the rigors and demands of writing a money-pulling promotion -- and who, quite frequently, wrote copy themselves -- will send a FedEx box packed with collateral and emails filled with megs and megs of info and data.

After all, you can never send too much background research to a copywriter.

In fact, I would estimate that the success of any promotion is directly proportional (times ten) to the depth of research done on the product and the targeted market.

Furthermore... you should recognize that the ability to conduct research is a talent in and of itself -- a talent which many copywriters do not possess.

So my advice is this: share the hours, if not years of information, wisdom and knowledge you acquired while growing your business and developing your product -- however much effort it may require.

And if you do this... your copywriter will not hesitate -- indeed, he'll be empowered -- to open a vein and pour his blood, sweat, and money-sucking talent on to the page for you -- just to make you rich.

--Barry

You Won't Sell Squat Without This in Your Sales Copy...

Great! You've invented a better mouse trap. You're the smartest consultant advisor, guru ever to pick up a microphone and wear shoes. You've figured out how to turn chicken feathers into gold, toilet water into oil, and the Sunday paper into a stack of $100 bills!

And now you want to offer the results of your genius to the world—and, of course, you won't object if you become stinking rich in the process.

So, you immediately hire a web designer, you hire a copywriter from Elance (ugh!), you run a Google Adwords campaign, you mail 1 million "lumpy" packages (thee dimensional mailers) to every zip code in your state, you place three TV commercials on Oprah, and you climb the tallest building in town and you bark at the moon...

And then... you wait... and wait... and then a small trickle of orders comes in... and then, they stop...

So you hire a PR firm, and then another copywriter, this time from ODesk (ugh again!)... and you Twitter and blog, and you join Facebook and MySpace and post ads on other people's websites and in glossy magazines...

And then, in desperation, you lower your price...

And again you wait... and wait... until you're out of money, you're divorced, you no longer have a bed to sleep in, a pot to piss in, and the dog won't come when you call him...

And so... you go back to whatever it was you were doing, before you were brilliant...

And the world lives on in ignorance, ugliness and poverty... all because you forgot to provide...

Proof!

What kind of proof? Social proof!

Say what...?

Do you know why Web 2.0, inter-activity, connectivity, user forums, customer reviews, customer interaction, and a ton of other old, new and reborn innovations that basically have the same purpose and benefit (transparency), works like gangbusters for marketers, sucking in the money...?

Because no one wants to believe you—because you're the marketer—because you're trying to sell them something—because you're trying to take their money—because all marketers are scammers, con-artists and liars (just don't take it personally).

Yet, they'll trust and believe absolute strangers who state in your sales copy, on your forum, in your infomercial, in a case study, and amongst themselves... that your miracle product helped them grow hair, lose weight, get rich, get healthy, and shape-shift into Angelina Jolie over night!

Third-party endorsements work, too!

But if you can't get the Surgeon General, the FDA, FAA, ASPCA, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, or Jennifer Simpson to endorse your product—get Mr. and Mrs. Consumer's virtual next door neighbor to write you a testimonial.

It's called Social Proof!

People who have used your product—and who have provided you with a glowing and publishable testimonial will help make you rich!

But not letters from your mother!

"I really liked your product. I'm very happy. Thank you so much. You're great, and you photograph really nice." – JB

If you think that's a testimonial... go walk the dog before he messes on your rug.

Specificity sells—especially in testimonials.

"In just one day your advanced formula Prostate Shrinker increased my urine flow by 86% and the size of my erection by seven inches—and now ol' Henry is so hard I can break a pile of bricks with it! And, I've also got two new girlfriends. Shawna is 27 years old and Megan is 23. Not bad for an 86 year old, huh! And it's all due to your advanced formula Prostrate Shrinker. And last week I also won the PowerBall Lottery. I won $52 Billion! Thanks Prostate Shrinker!" – Dr. John Holmstead, retired urologist, Rapid City, IA

Now that's a testimonial! (But it's gotta be true—and not written by you!)

Consumers are bombarded with sales pitches morning, noon and night. By one estimate, the average consumer sees over 30,000 advertisements, in one form or another, during the course of a day. Granted, only a handful are registered on the brain and vaguely remembered.

Nevertheless, consumers today are jaded, cynical, skeptical, and right now they’re running pretty low on money. And because there's nothing new under the sun, the only way you'll convince them to buy Brand X (especially sight unseen) from you... is to present them with glowing recommendations from regular people, just like them, who have absolutely nothing to gain by touting the success of your product or service.

So if you don't have testimonials—a bus load of them—go get 'em before you start barking at the moon.

--Barry